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Sleeping with Marcus Aurelius
Posted on April 8th, 2009 by ksideasnper.
Categories: Uncategorized.
For a large part of my senior project I have written, produced, designed, directed, and performed a solo-performance piece entitled, “Sleeping with Marcus Aurelius.” I have just completed the final performance and it is safe to say that it is heartbreaking to see it end.
I have been thinking about this show, specifically the concept of it for almost a year. This show encompasses a myriad of thoughts that I have had between the moments of sleeping and waking for the past year. Through this process I have discovered how difficult it is to decide to think. To consciously decide that you will sit and think, sit and be creative for an allotted amount of time. I kept three different journals of thoughts and stories for the past year.
I started this project overwhelmed with the possibility. Creating your own solo-performance piece gives you no parameters, you can do whatever you want. That’s one of the most frightening and exciting sentences ever said, “you can do whatever you want.”
I knew in the beginning that I wanted to create something relatable, something universal. Something that was possibly thought provoking, touching, interesting, maybe even a little funny.
That is hard to come up with off the top of your head.
Throughout the process I never actually felt like I made a decision. Obviously decisions were made but I didn’t wake up and decide that my show would be about the things I think. It just happend that way…..actually it is because I don’t always like to make decisions. I don’t like chosing one thing or another I would always pick both if I could….so there were a handful of thoughts that were my favorite but to narrow it down and only choose one thought to spring board an entire show? I didn’t want to do that.
So….I included everything.
If I could sum up this show…I would say that it is about importance. Experience fully everything that you have the opportunity to. You’ll never be able to say what is or isn’t important within any given moment. So live it up.
The design for the lights and set were also all thoughts that happened near sleeping. The set was three 3ft by 9ft flats that were hinged together like a dressing screen would be, like three panels. These three panels were painted black and I created a collage that covered the surface of each panel. I chose to do a collage not only because I enjoy collaging and for the subject matter I thought it appropriate but for the past four years I have made a lot of collages in my design classes.
As my senior project is meant to be the culminating experience for my college career I couldn’t not incorporate a collage.
The collage was a puzzle of images in sections of color that was designed to be 6 separate pieces to be slowly dismantled throughout the production.
I have worked tirelessly on this production for the past three weeks and I’ve realized it as completely as I could. The product was exactly what I wanted to obtain from the process and I think it is rare for that to happen. It is also rare that any work or piece of art gets interpreted exactly as it was meant to be and from talking with my audience members I believe that is what happened. Thank you to everyone that I was able to share this with.
This performance was undoubtedly the most challenging work I have done yet. It is one thing to act a character but it is entirely different to “act” yourself. I would argue that you can’t ever accomplish that without losing something in the translation. You must simply be yourself. It is difficult to just “be” yourself for an audience.
What also made this show so challenging was that I included some of the most personal thoughts I have. Throughout the process I considered removing one section in particular because I didn’t know if I could say it without losing it and or if I could even say it at all. However, as the performance date crept closer I decided to include it. This was an opportunity to say things that I really meant to say. I do not know if there will be any other opportunity to say what I did in this show.
Also, as I was creating a show about the things that I think about, it was necessary to include everything I did.
This project was it for me. It was all I wanted to do and what I thought about. I loved working on it and would do it again in a heartbeat. I will miss it.
I am actually planning to strike it now at 10:24 p.m. simply to part with it, to find closure with my show. It is like breaking up with something that you have put so much thought and energy into and now you must find something else to do with that energy.
I am glad I had the opportunity to create something like this show and I hope that everyone enjoyed watching it as I enjoyed creating it.
Thank you
Starting Over
Posted on July 31st, 2008 by ksideasnper.
Categories: Uncategorized.
I have this thing with starting over, beginning again, fresh, a new. As I move from one state of mind to the next I constantly begin to start over.
Looking back, I obviously regrette discarding those beautiful pages, no matter how silly they seem in retrospect. Those thoughts or stories that I wrote, those few and far between personal histories would give me a lot of insight into where I’ve come from. My mom always kept things that I did when I was little, saying, “You’ll love to look back at them when you’re 30″. I wish I had applied that thinking to some of, what I thought were my less important works. Although, thank God for the preservation of those macoroni necklaces.
The reason for this topic today is that it has been since April thirtieth that I made the last entry on this blog of mine. April thirtieth, the date the reason for the existence of this blog (my ideas and performance class) ended.
My Final Digital Story
Posted on April 30th, 2008 by ksideasnper.
Categories: Uncategorized.
People Watching and Postsecret
Posted on April 23rd, 2008 by ksideasnper.
Categories: News, Projects.
People watching is endlessly fascinating. After talking about articles in the Sunday editions of the NY Times and Washington Post this morning the people watching article stuck out.
For the past three years I have read Postsecret, I have never read it religiously but I find the project itself to be an intriguing idea. To connect people in such an anonymous way that can still have such a large impact on so many people and in such personal ways is amazing.
Part of the people watching idea is about our desire to see people as they are when they are just able to be. It’s like the reality of watching another human being in their daily life is fascinating for us. I think Postsecret has a similar quality to people watching. People can read the postcards about really personal things from other people. I think that this might make some people think about how small the world is or how much people really are just people. I feel like Postsecret might even be a variation of people watching. When there is a secret that multiple people share or when you see someone do something that you’ve probably done a billion times it could make someone feel really connected to other people.
I think that our desire to observe ourselves is really interesting too. Animals watch each other to learn, we too learn by example and while watching people do things like theatre, TV, film, performance, and entertainment is one aspect of watching ourselves, it is interesting that we still want to see people in such an unassuming way, a way that is as real as just observing the simple machinations that we do each day.
Being Lost to Begin to be Found
Posted on April 22nd, 2008 by ksideasnper.
Categories: Uncategorized.
Tonight I read a passage from Charles Mee’s True Love what struck me most was this thought,
“because life is a process of becoming
and once you are involved in that
you’re lost
lost forever
but what a fantastic journey!”
The idea of being completely emmersed in the journey of your life, expecting to evolve and be in a state of change is interguing. I think that believing in the journey could make someone be incredibly open to experience and the spontinaity of life. I think that being “lost” has a negative conotation but I think here, with this thought, the idea of being “lost” is embraced.
As I get closer and closer to being out of school, which is what I’ve been doing for the past seventeen years of my life the idea of being lost before you can be found or before you can be involved in the process of becoming is interesting to think about.
A Dinner Party
Posted on April 16th, 2008 by ksideasnper.
Categories: Uncategorized.
On Monday of this week I was lucky enough to be able to attend a delicious dinner and speak with Nancy Robinette, a favorite actress in the D.C. circuit. She is currently in two Arthur Miller shows, Death of a Salesman and A View from the Bridge.
We recently saw Death of a Salesman and while I don’t think it was my favorite production it was really great to hear Nancy talk about her work with the production and how she felt about her performance.
Nancy has been working as an actor for about 25 years and it was great to hear what someone with her experience and investment in the theatre as an actor had to say about the work that she does. Something she said when she was talking about her feeling like she was an actress was about being given “permission” to do the work that you love. She made a point later on to actually give us permission and that idea is very interesting. I don’t know if people in other disciplines feel like they need to have permission to do their work but I understood what Nancy was saying in relation to acting.
I thought that the show itself was flat (for lack of a better word). The set was so lateral and maybe because of the height of the ceiling couldn’t be done any differently. At first I thought the set was clever and then it just seemed too much the same for every sequence of the show. I felt most of all that Willie didn’t grow as much as I wish he had. Now, true, he possibly is incapable of hearing what other people say to him and is so in his own head and with his own pride that he simply can’t change. I was just thinking as I left the theatre that it would have been a very interesting choice if at the moment when his son, Biff is leaving for the final time he heard what Biff was saying. I wish that Willie could have a lucid and understanding moment and then makes the conscious decision to continue his extreme faith and belief in his own world.
I am not sure precisely how to say that in a blog but I would have been interested to see some change in Willie at some point and I don’t believe that I really saw one in the performance that I was at.
I did enjoy Nancy’s performance. I understood what she spoke with us about as far as getting through this role in this particular production but overall I thought her performance was very nice.
Nancy also talked about working with different directors and something that I thought about was how to find a balance between the direction and the conversation about a piece and how do you figure out how to balance what an actor brings to the process and your own aesthetic for the show. Or, is there no balance that needs to be made and you just create what it is that you think needs to be created in the way that you see it. I find this to be an interesting question.
I am really glad that we got to speak with Nancy, she was delightful and it was a fun evening.
The Pinkberry “Yogurt” Experience
Posted on April 9th, 2008 by ksideasnper.
Categories: Just for fun.
So….there has been a lot of talk about what is actually in Pinkberry’s “Yogurt”…..the name “yogurt” is even suspect so I’ve been told.
I got to try a New York Pinkberry and while a lot of the controversy seems to be in California I can’t help think that all Pinkberry’s are probably connected.
The visit to the pinkberry will always be very memorable for what I ended up getting….Green tea “yogurt” topped with mango, lychee (or something), and captain crunch. Quite the combination! How I ended up with this concoction is because i asked the guy working what his favorite combination was and said “I’ll take it!”
After I tasted it….i thought “That guy is straaange” but then wondered… if I worked at Pinkberry or any type of food venue like that, I feel like people might frequently ask my opinion on the food and so for my own personal entertainment I might make it up every single time. It might spice up the day, you know?
So I don’t know if the weird combination was really his favorite or if he just thought it might be fun to put that all together. Which ever, I enjoyed the memorable experience and while the “yogurt” was weird it was good too! 
If you ever go to the pinkberry website, they’ve got a really catchy song! “Pinkberry in me…Pink beeerrry” la la la. It is cute.
For more information on the controversy here is a link: PINKBERRY CONTROVERSY?!?
Senior Project Time
Posted on April 9th, 2008 by ksideasnper.
Categories: Projects.
It is getting to the time to propose a senior project for next year. The two areas in theatre where I have the most interest right now are acting (as always) and directing. Right now, because of my research for ideas in performance and after working in the studio as a director I really have an interest in working more at directing.
Fittingly, my first thoughts for possible projects are about directing. I would love to have an opportunity to direct on the mainstage and at this point don’t know if it is a possibility but with three full length studio productions under my belt I would love to sink my teeth into something that offers different challenges and an even greater investment. I would love to have the opportunity to have more conversations, equal conversations with faculty designers who not only have the resources but have talents and more experiences than our student designers.
After going to New York it really made me question what I wanted to do after graduation in regards to theatre. My primary research in this class is based on directing as a career choice and I think that the more experience that I can get directing pre-graduation would help me to figure out if directing really is something I could pursue. I think something like directing on the mainstage and raising those stakes would give me better idea of what I could expect after graduation as well.
If directing is something I really look into doing I think that as a culmination of my four years in college directing would be a perfect senior experience for me. Putting together what I have learned in a big way and no doubt learning a lot more through the process before I leave Mary Wash.
Something else I would be interested in would be something like 365 again. I had a great time working on that project and enjoyed being part of a group of such dedicated people for something that I think really promoted our department and the talents that we have as well as exposed more of the UMW community to what we do. It was just really fun for me and I was sad to have it end.
Acting would probably be my next project idea. I feel so at home when I am working as an actor, I hope to act next year regardless of weather it is my senior project or not.
Wow, I can’t believe that it is already time to be thinking as a senior. “Surreal” is the only word that comes to mind to describe how I feel as I am writing about preparing for me senior year. wow.
On Stunning
Posted on April 9th, 2008 by ksideasnper.
Categories: Just for fun, Thoughts.
I am so pleased that I was able to see this production of Stunning by David Adjmi at the Woolly Mammoth Theatre. The play was Stunning, ultimately disturbing, not only because of the work itself but because of the fact that this is such a personal story for the playwright. I don’t know how much for the story are based off of actual events but the culture of the Syrian-Jewish immigrants is very real. I thought it was a great story, a tough story but I thought it was great.
In all honesty, I couldn’t talk about the play right after I saw it and still am not even all together what I liked or what I thought was missing, if anything, or how to describe what I liked about it other than the compelling storyline and the growth of the characters within the play. So much happened.
The play for me was like an outsiders view of a very culturally segregated immigrant group that remains so homogeneous because of its strict guidelines of conduct in regards to interpersonal relationships.
I think the story was an extreme yet truthful example of people coping within the structure of their culture. The basic ideas of marry one of your own and have a lot of kids really quickly is not uncommon among many other cultural groups. The purpose is to perpetuate the culture without changing it.
Coming from Southern Utah, this concept isn’t lost on me. The predominant culture is that of the LDS church. When most people that I know get married between the ages of 17 and 21 and within a year generally begin a family. It is also strongly suggested that their spouses be members of the church or convert and that their children be raised as members of the church as well. Also, the community is pretty small where I live and during high school I was able to see many people who wanted to challenge their upbringing but really couldn’t because of the amount of pressure put on them to be a certain way.
It is my understanding that most western religions all share these same thoughts. What is more specific to Stunning is that the people in the story are also immigrants which might understandably create an even greater need to remain a strong collective.
The stakes in this play were very high which really intensified my investment as an audience member. While I might have an understanding of the characters needing to comply with their families wishes I could never imagine how difficult it would be to even dare to be different in such a situation.
As for the production itself I liked the idea of the set and for the most part found it very effective. Although, the thing with mirrors is that they reflect. duh. but I could see the opposite side of the audience at times as well as lighting instruments that probably werent’ meant to be seen, so that was a bit distracting. I really liked the music choices and how the sound was used during transitions.
The thing I liked the best was seeing Lily’s character change from the beginning of the show to the end. She went through so many transformations and I think her journey was captured nicely with her having “ no life experience” as a naive seventeen year old in the beginning to when she says at the end “now I have life experience” as a very different person.
I am just really glad I got to see the show.
Immediate thoughts plus a film
Posted on March 31st, 2008 by ksideasnper.
Categories: Thoughts.
I sit down to blog almost every other day. It seems that my computer has a constant “write” window up; yet my blogs seem few and far between.
Right now I have four different drafts, full of unfinished thoughts or random ideas for possible blogs.
I relate blogging to writing in a journal which makes a lot of sense, however, I am notoriously bad about keeping a journal. When I do sit down to write the first things that come to my mind are always the immediate. “I am cold” or “Today seemed like Saturday” or “I think I slept wrong because my neck hurts”. These immediate thoughts seem to keep me from being able to move on and write about something of more importance.
Now, I could write about these immediate thoughts, I could spend a whole blog talking about being cold but not wanting to turn on the heat because of the obvious financial and environmental consequences that would result but I don’t feel this would be a very enlightening blog for anyone else who might read it. I also don’t particularly care to spend any energy or time writing about my struggle with the cold in my apartment. I should just put on some more layers and move on. duh.
It is possible that I need to simply write the stupid immediate thoughts first before I can really write about anything that I actually would like to write about like articles that I’ve read recently or interesting things I have seen.
I recently watched Michael Moore’s “Sicko”. Why are we, the wealthiest country in the world the only country in the western hemisphere to still not have a universal health care system? The movie was presented in a very ”Michael Moore” way. Although, I wish he had included examples of people in France who cannot afford the incredible amount of taxes they have to pay there. The family from France he chose to use as an example were living in a beautiful three story house and seemed to be quite comfortable even with the amount of taxes that they are paying. After living there for a time I came to know many more families who, while able to live, commented about how high the taxes really are and how it is sometimes difficult to pay so much. These people were not living in three story houses.
Regardless, there are inherent flaws in every system but I would much rather be in a system where people can get care that they need and deserve. After all, this “all men were created equal”, I feel this phrase is a major part of our American ideology and right now, the “equality” part seems to be missing.
I might start more blogs with my silly and unimportant immediate thoughts, this way maybe I can write about things that I actually care to talk about.
Here’s to next time.