Current Perspectives

I have this thing with starting over, beginning again, fresh, a new. As I move from one state of mind to the next I constantly begin to start over.When I was younger I attempted many a time to be a dedicated and consistent journal writer. Alas, it never happened. I would write sporadic entries only to re-read them years later and decide that the said entries were overly passionate and poorly executed. I would then rip the pages from my many journals only to start again, on a clean slate, compose what I thought was a better journal entry.

Looking back, I obviously regrette discarding those beautiful pages, no matter how silly they seem in retrospect. Those thoughts or stories that I wrote, those few and far between personal histories would give me a lot of insight into where I’ve come from.  My mom always kept things that I did when I was little, saying, “You’ll love to look back at them when you’re 30″. I wish I had applied that thinking to some of, what I thought were my less important works. Although, thank God for the preservation of those macoroni necklaces.

The reason for this topic today is that it has been since April thirtieth that I made the last entry on this blog of mine. April thirtieth, the date the reason for the existence of this blog (my ideas and performance class) ended.So, even if this is only one more sporadic entry, I wish to begin again. And start from a place of writing that isn’t part of a class and that will most likely not be read by any of my class mates.However, this time, when I “start over” I will not erase or delete what I have written so far. I won’t search for a new blog hosting site to start fresh there either. I will just write from my current perspective regardless of whether I deem previous entries fit to appear next to my “born again” ones.So, regardless of the consistency this blog will have, especially as I am about to begin my last undergraduate fall semester. Here’s to new beginnings and starting something over without taking away any history no matter how small.

People watching is endlessly fascinating. After talking about articles in the Sunday editions of the NY Times and Washington Post this morning the people watching article stuck out.

For the past three years I have read Postsecret, I have never read it religiously but I find the project itself to be an intriguing idea. To connect people in such an anonymous way that can still have such a large impact on so many people and in such personal ways is amazing.

Part of the people watching idea is about our desire to see people as they are when they are just able to be. It’s like the reality of watching another human being in their daily life is fascinating for us.  I think Postsecret has a similar quality to people watching.  People can read the postcards about really personal things from other people. I think that this might make some people think about how small the world is or how much people really are just people.  I feel like Postsecret might even be a variation of people watching.  When there is a secret that multiple people share or when you see someone do something that you’ve probably done a billion times it could make someone feel really connected to other people.

I think that our desire to observe ourselves is really interesting too. Animals watch each other to learn, we too learn by example and while watching people do things like theatre, TV, film, performance, and entertainment is one aspect of watching ourselves, it is interesting that we still want to see people in such an unassuming way, a way that is as real as just  observing the simple machinations that we do each day.   

Tonight I read a passage from Charles Mee’s True Love what struck me most was this thought,

“because life is a process of becoming
and once you are involved in that
you’re lost
lost forever
but what a fantastic journey!”

The idea of being completely emmersed in the journey of your life, expecting to evolve and be in a state of change is interguing. I think that believing in the journey could make someone be incredibly open to experience and the spontinaity of life. I think that being “lost” has a negative conotation but I think here, with this thought, the idea of being “lost” is embraced.

As I get closer and closer to being out of school, which is what I’ve been doing for the past seventeen years of my life the idea of being lost before you can be found or  before you can be involved in the process of becoming is interesting to think about.

On Monday of this week I was lucky enough to be able to attend a delicious dinner and speak with Nancy Robinette, a favorite actress in the D.C. circuit. She is currently in two Arthur Miller shows, Death of a Salesman and A View from the Bridge.

We recently saw Death of a Salesman and while I don’t think it was my favorite production it was really great to hear Nancy talk about her work with the production and how she felt about her performance.

Nancy has been working as an actor for about 25 years and it was great to hear what someone with her experience and investment in the theatre as an actor had to say about the work that she does. Something she said when she was talking about her feeling like she was an actress was about being given “permission” to do the work that you love. She made a point later on to actually give us permission and that idea is very interesting. I don’t know if people in other disciplines feel like they need to have permission to do their work but I understood what Nancy was saying in relation to acting.

I thought that the show itself was flat (for lack of a better word). The set was so lateral and maybe because of the height of the ceiling couldn’t be done any differently. At first I thought the set was clever and then it just seemed too much the same for every sequence of the show. I felt most of all that Willie didn’t grow as much as I wish he had. Now, true, he possibly is incapable of hearing what other people say to him and is so in his own head and with his own pride that he simply can’t change. I was just thinking as I left the theatre that it would have been a very interesting choice if at the moment when his son, Biff is leaving for the final time he heard what Biff was saying. I wish that Willie could have a lucid and understanding moment and then makes the conscious decision to continue his extreme faith and belief in his own world. 

I am not sure precisely how to say that in a blog but I would have been interested to see some change in Willie at some point and I don’t believe that I really saw one in the performance that I was at.

I did enjoy Nancy’s performance. I understood what she spoke with us about as far as getting through this role in this particular production but overall I thought her performance was very nice.

Nancy also talked about working with different directors and something that I thought about was how to find a balance between the direction and the conversation about a piece and how do you figure out how to balance what an actor brings to the process and your own aesthetic for the show.  Or, is there no balance that needs to be made and you just create what it is that you think needs to be created in the way that you see it.  I find this to be an interesting question.

I am really glad that we got to speak with Nancy, she was delightful and it was a fun evening.

So….there has been a lot of talk about what is actually in Pinkberry’s “Yogurt”…..the name “yogurt” is even suspect so I’ve been told.

I got to try a New York Pinkberry and while a lot of the controversy seems to be in California I can’t help think that all Pinkberry’s are probably connected.

The visit to the pinkberry will always be very memorable for what I ended up getting….Green tea “yogurt” topped with mango, lychee (or something), and captain crunch. Quite the combination!  How I ended up with this concoction is because i asked the guy working what his favorite combination was and said “I’ll take it!”

After I tasted it….i thought “That guy is straaange” but then wondered… if I worked at Pinkberry or any type of food venue like that, I feel like people might frequently ask my opinion on the food and so for my own personal entertainment I might make it up every single time. It might spice up the day, you know?

So I don’t know if the weird combination was really his favorite or if he just thought it might be fun to put that all together. Which ever, I enjoyed the memorable experience and while the “yogurt” was weird it was good too!

If you ever go to the pinkberry website, they’ve got a really catchy song! “Pinkberry in me…Pink beeerrry” la la la. It is cute.

For more information on the controversy here is a link: PINKBERRY CONTROVERSY?!?

It is getting to the time to propose a senior project for next year. The two areas in theatre where I have the most interest right now are acting (as always) and directing. Right now, because of my research for ideas in performance and after working in the studio as a director I really have an interest in working more at directing.

Fittingly, my first thoughts for possible projects are about directing. I would love to have an opportunity to direct on the mainstage and at this point don’t know if it is a possibility but with three full length studio productions under my belt I would love to sink my teeth into something that offers different challenges and an even greater investment. I would love to have the opportunity to have more conversations, equal conversations with faculty designers who not only have the resources but have talents and more experiences than our student designers.

After going to New York it really made me question what I wanted to do after graduation in regards to theatre. My primary research in this class is based on directing as a career choice and I think that the more experience that I can get directing pre-graduation would help me to figure out if directing really is something I could pursue. I think something like directing on the mainstage and raising those stakes would give me better idea of what I could expect after graduation as well.

If directing is something I really look into doing I think that as a culmination of my four years in college directing would be a perfect senior experience for me. Putting together what I have learned in a big way and no doubt learning a lot more through the process before I leave Mary Wash.

Something else I would be interested in would be something like 365 again. I had a great time working on that project and enjoyed being part of a group of such dedicated people for something that I think really promoted our department and the talents that we have as well as exposed more of the UMW community to what we do. It was just really fun for me and I was sad to have it end.

Acting would probably be my next project idea. I feel so at home when I am working as an actor, I hope to act next year regardless of weather it is my senior project or not.

Wow, I can’t believe that it is already time to be thinking as a senior. “Surreal” is the only word that comes to mind to describe how I feel as I am writing about preparing for me senior year. wow.

I am so pleased that I was able to see this production of Stunning by David Adjmi at the Woolly Mammoth Theatre. The play was Stunning, ultimately disturbing, not only because of the work itself but because of the fact that this is such a personal story for the playwright. I don’t know how much for the story are based off of actual events but the culture of the Syrian-Jewish immigrants is very real. I thought it was a great story, a tough story but I thought it was great. 

In all honesty, I couldn’t talk about the play right after I saw it and still am not even all together what I liked or what I thought was missing, if anything, or how to describe what I liked about it other than the compelling storyline and the growth of the characters within the play. So much happened.

The play for me was like an outsiders view of a very culturally segregated immigrant group that remains so homogeneous because of its strict guidelines of conduct in regards to interpersonal relationships.

I think the story was an extreme yet truthful example of people coping within the structure of their culture. The basic ideas of marry one of your own and have a lot of kids really quickly is not uncommon among many other cultural groups. The purpose is to perpetuate the culture without changing it.

Coming from Southern Utah, this concept isn’t lost on me. The predominant culture is that of the LDS church. When most people that I know get married between the ages of 17 and 21 and within a year generally begin a family. It is also strongly suggested that their spouses be members of the church or convert and that their children be raised as members of the church as well. Also, the community is pretty small where I live and during high school I was able to see many people who wanted to challenge their upbringing but really couldn’t because of the amount of pressure put on them to be a certain way.

It is my understanding that most western religions all share these same thoughts. What is more specific to Stunning is that the people in the story are also immigrants which might understandably create an even greater need to remain a strong collective.

The stakes in this play were very high which really intensified my investment as an audience member. While I might have an understanding of the characters needing to comply with their families wishes I could never imagine how difficult it would be to even dare to be different in such a situation.

As for the production itself I liked the idea of the set and for the most part found it very effective. Although, the thing with mirrors is that they reflect. duh. but I could see the opposite side of the audience at times as well as lighting instruments that probably werent’ meant to be seen, so that was a bit distracting. I really liked the music choices and how the sound was used during transitions.

The thing I liked the best was seeing Lily’s character change from the beginning of the show to the end. She went through so many transformations and I think her journey was captured nicely with her having “ no life experience” as a naive seventeen year old in the beginning to when she says at the end “now I have life experience” as a very different person.

 I am just really glad I got to see the show.

I sit down to blog almost every other day. It seems that my computer has a constant “write” window up; yet my blogs seem few and far between.

Right now I have four different drafts, full of unfinished thoughts or random ideas for possible blogs.

I relate blogging to writing in a journal which makes a lot of sense, however, I am notoriously bad about keeping a journal. When I do sit down to write the first things that come to my mind are always the immediate. “I am cold” or “Today seemed like Saturday” or “I think I slept wrong because my neck hurts”. These immediate thoughts seem to keep me from being able to move on and write about something of more importance.

Now, I could write about these immediate thoughts, I could spend a whole blog talking about being cold but not wanting to turn on the heat because of the obvious financial and environmental consequences that would result but I don’t feel this would be a very enlightening blog for anyone else who might read it. I also don’t particularly care to spend any energy or time writing about my struggle with the cold in my apartment. I should just put on some more layers and move on. duh.

It is possible that I need to simply write the stupid immediate thoughts first before I can really write about anything that I actually would like to write about like articles that I’ve read recently or interesting things I have seen.

I recently watched Michael Moore’s “Sicko”. Why are we, the wealthiest country in the world the only country in the western hemisphere to still not have a universal health care system? The movie was presented in a very ”Michael Moore” way. Although, I wish he had included examples of people in France who cannot afford the incredible amount of taxes they have to pay there. The family from France he chose to use as an example were living in a beautiful three story house and seemed to be quite comfortable even with the amount of taxes that they are paying.  After living there for a time I came to know many more families who, while able to live, commented about how high the taxes really are and how it is sometimes difficult to pay so much. These people were not living in three story houses. 

Regardless, there are inherent flaws in every system but I would much rather be in a system where people can get care that they need and deserve. After all, this “all men were created equal”, I feel this phrase is a major part of our American ideology and right now, the “equality” part seems to be missing.

I might start more blogs with my silly and unimportant immediate thoughts, this way maybe I can write about things that I actually care to talk about.

 Here’s to next time.

While in New York I happened upon a special exhibit at the New York Public Library about Jack Kerouac’s life and specifically the creation of his work “On The Road”.  Jack Kerouac viewed life as a spiritual quest which is a fascinating thought, like living to find something. While at this exhibition I participated on a guided tour given by someone who clearly “got Jack”. She peppered the lecture with fun anecdotes from his diaries and a book of grievances which were on display. She said that he wasn’t one to hold a grudge, rather he would simply make a note about whoever had upset him in this book. He even went as far as to blame his alcoholism solely on one individual.

One of these anecdotes that she mentioned was about his good friend and travel companion Neal Cassady. Jack and his “team” traveled across America three times but prior to his group traveling together Neal Cassady made the trek alone in a bus. This bus was a refurbished coach bus, the type that would state the destination above the driver; it always said the same thing, “Destination: Further”.

I liked hearing that story, while it wasn’t part of something Jack did it is easy to see how Jack and Neal got along. Of course I would like the idea of a destination to always be going further. Further than you went yesterday….

I liked the exhibit, the original typed scroll of “On the Road” is there along with many of Jack’s paintings which were very interesting to see since I never thought of him as a visual artist.

Kerouac wrote, “Beat doesn’t mean tired,or bushed, so much as it means beato, the Italian for beatific: to be in a state of beatitude, like Saint Francis, trying to love all life, trying to be utterly sincere with everyone, practicing endurance, kindness, cultivating joy of heart. How can this be done in our mad modern world of multiplicities and millions? By practicing a little solitude, going off by yourself once in a while to store up that most precious of golds: the vibrations of sincerity.”

Going off to find this bliss, this beatitude, and having ”further” as the destination, I think that is a beautiful thought.